When Only God Knows
When we find ourselves unfairly judged, we can find peace in the truth that God knows.
This, then, is how you ought to regard us: as servants of Christ and as those entrusted with the mysteries God has revealed. Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful. I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God.
I Corinthians 4:1-5
A few months ago, I received an anonymous email - which is always such a delight. From the shadows of anonymity (although I have a pretty good idea of who it was), the writer informed me of my obligations as an ordained elder in my denomination and then proceeded to tell me how horribly I had failed to live up to them. Apparently, I am too openly critical of aspects of American Christianity, and therefore hate the church, and my willingness to share my hurtful experiences just means that I refuse to get over it and find healing. In the end, this keyboard assassin told me I should get out of the denomination and they hoped I would take action to do so soon. But at least they wished me well before signing off.
When faced with criticism, I’m not always successful in the work of honest self-reflection, but I do try. Even in response to an email like this, I want to be open to hearing truth and acknowledging my need for continued growth as a person and follower of Jesus. And I did learn something in reflecting on those anonymous words, but probably not what the writer wanted me to. Despite my best efforts to simply be faithful to what I believe the Spirit compels me to say and do, some will see it as faithlessness. Although the desire of my heart is always, out of love for the church, to call God’s people to embody more fully and consistently the image of Jesus, there are those who will spin it as a bitter spirit or hatred of the church. Whenever I share in vulnerability, hoping to help others name their hurts and move toward healing, cynics will label it as living into victimhood. We all understand what it’s like. We act with nothing more than the desire to love God, love others, and be faithful even in hard things, but someone stands at a distance and throws rocks. They misjudge and mischaracterize not only our words and actions, but also the very motivations of our heart. It’s unfair, it’s painful, and it’s an inevitable part of life.
From our vantage point, we don’t often think of Paul as someone who was criticized or denounced, except by those outside the church. His letters are in the Bible, after all, so surely within the confines of the church he was immune to all of the gossipy and sniping attacks we experience, right? Enter the Christians of Corinth. They were a divisive bunch, falling into games of comparison not only amongst themselves, but with the leaders of the church as well. And Paul did not compare favorably in some of their eyes. According to their standards of evaluation, he was personally unimpressive, failing to display the speaking prowess, power, and apparent success that other leaders, at least in their minds, exhibited. His life of faithfulness was judged by some as weakness. In response, Paul - who I have always envisioned as the kind of guy who did not shy away from confrontation - spilled a fair amount of ink in the Corinthian correspondence defending his call and ministry to his detractors. That’s not to say, though, that Paul believed the validity of his ministry depended on convincing his critics. Far from it. In I Corinthians 4, he puts their judgments into perspective with a rather pointed statement: “I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court.”
I don’t believe these words are a denial of the hurt or disappointment we experience in our times of being misjudged. We are human beings and, as such, we naturally feel the sting of rejection when others malign us. Paul’s statement is rather a reorientation of perspective, one that gives us solid ground upon which to stand so we are not swept away into despair when the waves of criticism roll in. And this reorientation is not an exercise in positive thinking that lacks any foundation in reality, but a truth supported by the framework of God’s call and promise. In Paul’s reasoning, he was called of God and faithfulness to God is what mattered most. And the same God who calls is the God who will judge with perfect knowledge. When that time comes, all will be brought into the light, the motives of our hearts will be revealed, and the faithful will receive their praise. We stand on the solid ground that God knows our hearts and the day will come when the light reveals the truth and our faithfulness is honored. From that perspective, being judged by flawed human beings is but a small and temporary matter.
There will be times when your faithfulness is viewed as weakness or failure, moments when you are misunderstood, misjudged, and maligned. To be fair, we have done it to others as well. It is part of life in community with frail and wounded human beings. But the unfair arrows of judgment do not have to destroy us, because there is One who knows the truth. In the big picture of God’s story, the mischaracterizations and accusations of others are a small thing. Don’t misunderstand - they do hurt. The stinger on a wasp is a small thing, but it still causes pain. In the end, though, it will wash away in the light of God’s truth. To paraphrase Thomas a’ Kempis in The Imitation of Christ, you are who you are to God, and no word from anyone else can change that. So do not be deterred from the path of faithfulness by the winds of unfair judgments. Those winds might sting for a while, but the God who sees your heart is your judge, and your faithfulness will be honored as meaningful to the kingdom. There will be days when it feels like only God knows, but within that statement resides the good news - God does know.