For the Love of Matthew 18
Matthew 18 offers a beautiful picture of Christian community. In the hands of some, it also becomes a weapon.
“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”
Matthew 18:15-17
No one could ever read the Gospels and question Jesus’ immeasurable concern for those who are lost and wandering. Stories of coins, sheep, and lost sons tell the good news of a faithful Shepherd in desperate pursuit of those who do not know the safety and love of his embrace. His stories were embodied in the tables he shared, revealing a heart of welcome to those who felt distant and cast out by others. Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 18 bears witness to this as well. After a strong warning about causing “little ones” to stumble and a parable about love for a lost sheep, Jesus turns his attention to life together as his followers. Here he reminds us that to care for the wanderer also means that we care enough to try and keep people from wandering.
These verses have often been reduced to nothing more than a practical process for conflict resolution. While there are applicable and beneficial principles to be found here for navigating disagreements, that is not the central point or deepest concern of the passage. The primary question is, how are we to respond when our brother or sister sins? While some translations read “sins against you,” it should be noted the words “against you” are not found in some of the oldest, most dependable manuscripts. From that perspective, the loving accountability Jesus calls us to is a responsibility of the whole community, not just the ones sinned against or offended. In other words, as a body, when a brother or sister sins, our loving concern should compel us to redemptive action in an effort to keep them from wandering away. Even if we accept the additional words “against you” in verse 15, the context and intent of this redemptive process remains the same. It is a call for “brothers and sisters,” those who share in a relationship of equality and mutuality, to live in loving accountability for the sake of the other, willing to intervene to keep them from spiritual harm.
The picture Jesus paints in Matthew 18 is not one of control or domination, but rather a beautiful portrait of genuine community, one marked by mutual concern, accountability, and love. It’s also true that a picture, no matter how beautiful, can become distorted or obscured when mishandled. When we neglect the primary focus of these words and the context of mutuality and equality conveyed by the language of “brothers and sisters,” we can easily, and inappropriately, apply these words to systems, structures, and relationships where such equality does not exist. As a result, some have twisted this passage into something it was never intended to be, a coercive weapon that silences the powerless while shielding the powerful. To woodenly apply Matthew 18 to every conflict, without regard to differences in position and power, not only neglects the context of Jesus’ words but also grants those in power the opportunity to exert control over both the narrative and those who have been harmed, avoiding any real accountability. Reducing these words to a handbook policy and then compelling the wounded to follow it, even though doing so could expose them to further abuse or retaliation, is to lay a legalistic burden of guilt on their shoulders with utter disregard for their well-being.
Literalistic and legalistic appeals to Matthew 18 that fail to recognize the inequality and lack of mutuality present in relationships marked by power differentials or demand adherence to a process despite a culture of abuse, bullying, or retaliation are, in a real sense, a form of spiritual gaslighting. The offended or injured person is made to feel solely responsible for bringing resolution, but at the same time, is backed into a corner with no reasonable path forward. Any response open to them either induces guilt or potentially exposes them to more harm. If they remain silent, the destructive behavior is never confronted and will likely continue to do damage. To go directly to the offender, who also holds power over them, invites further mistreatment or retaliation. If they try to shine a light on the problem by appealing to others for help, they are accused of not following scripture and being divisive. Ultimately, the one who has been harmed bears the burden and the blame while the one causing harm is protected from accountability and the truth. How can such an outcome align with the intent and purpose of Jesus’ words?
Using the words of Jesus in a way that contradicts the character of Jesus violates everything we are called to be as his followers. Throughout the Gospels, we see a Jesus filled with compassion, a defender of the vulnerable and mistreated who refuses to break the bruised reed or snuff out the smoldering wick (Mt. 12:20). We also see a Jesus who did not hesitate to publicly call out and rebuke religious leaders, people of position and power, for their failure to reflect God’s mercy and justice. If our use of Matthew 18 results in the reverse, preventing the naming and rectifying of injustices while deepening the wounds of the defenseless, then we have, my friends, clearly missed the point.